art therapy

Hey all,

We all know what day it is, and this morning was definitely a rough one. My emotions were out of wack as I remembered September 11, 2001. I had sudden bursts of tears, other moments where I tried to pretend that it was ‘just another day,’ and yet, knowing that it is an impossible feat to think of anything else. There was one person who put it best in the news today, as it reminded me of how it felt when my sister was suddenly killed in a vehicular accident. They said something to the effect of, you learn bad things can and do happen, and it changes you. It changes how you live. It changes your outlook on life. Today was felt deep in my heart. I heard some stories I have not heard before, heartbreaking tales of courage, bravery, and of course deep grief.

By the time the night came on, I knew I needed a little healing art therapy. I worked hard on a couple of projects tonight, staying up late – at least late for me. It’s coming up on midnight here. I find the stabbing motion soothing when needle felting, so it seemed like a good outlet for my emotions.

We did try to watch a movie, together, as a family, my parents and I. But we ended up tearing the movie apart as we watched. We were super disappointed in the story line, and the ending was lackluster. In the end it seemed more like a comedy, than the suspenseful film we picked to watch.

I was grateful for the family time. Grateful for spending it with my loved ones. I spend far too much time focused on mortality at 47 years old. I worry about it. I fear it. I live each day terrified of getting closer to it. I am fearful of my parents aging. I am fearful of what comes next. These aren’t normal everyday thoughts, they go much deeper than that.

But I am working on it. I am working on being excited about living, instead of terrified of death. It’s not easy to do, but I am trying.

Anyway, here is what I made today:

I spent a lot of time on the tree image. I thought it was really successful, until I started showing people, and no one could see the woman like I could. It was comical really. I also spent a lot of time on the mouse sculpture. I followed a free online tutorial, and well, my mouse looks nothing like their mouse of perfection. Mine is haphazard, got weird eyes, lopsided ears, and feet and hands as big as the stomach! But – I love it anyway. It was my first character sculpture I really tried hard to create (next to the ghost from yesterday), so I am pleased with it.

We ended this rocky, emotional day with laughter tonight. My nephew came by to visit and we had a great time chatting with him, and he shared some funny sayings with us that had us all in tears of laughter.

Tonight I go to sleep with thoughts of many on my mind, and the belief that we are still a united country, even if it is in our grief.